I just have one question for Axl Rose: Which Guns ‘N Roses album is your favorite?

Because if he says “Chinese Democracy,” then I guess I can’t be surprised by what I’m hearing streamed on myspace. The man’s probably too far gone to account for taste or talent. If it’s “Appetite for Destruction” or “Use Your Illusion I,” then I have to wonder what’s going on here. Why release this mess? This isn’t the Guns ‘N Roses we know and love.

I understand that maybe it’s because he didn’t want to keep up a reputation as a flake and just abandon the rumor that it’d ever happen. But even in that case, I’d rather people think me a flake than a no-talent has-been. With this album, he’s the latter. Seriously. Has someone been slipping him something for the last 15 years? No wonder Slash left the band.

I won’t say it’s a total failure. There’s a good chance that it’ll appeal to the expansive demographic immeresed in modern, unimaginative rock music. But as far as I can tell, this is just an indication to me that Guns ‘N Roses has already given us its best, and from now on, I ought to keep my expectations low. It’s not a complete tragedy, but I’m not above calling it “pretty lame.”

For consumers hugged within the embrace of the Cascade Mountains, don’t worry, you are relatively safe. The album, set for release on Sunday, is only being sold at Best Buy stores, which we don’t have here in the Valley. I highly suggest waiting until there are individual songs available for download on the Internet. There aren’t enough good tracks on this thing to warrant buying the whole album. “Sorry” is one of the more cohesive songs on the record with some decent riffs, though the lyrics leave something to be desired. Same goes for “I.R.S.” Always a sucker for piano ballads, I’ll probably try to get my hands on “This I Love” someday, though I would love to hear it with a Slash guitar solo.

Regardless of the album’s success, Dr. Pepper has promised a free soda to everyone in America if the album actually makes an appearance this year. It’s got a release date and the whole thing is available to be heard on myspace, so make yourselves thirsty because there’s a free bottle of Dr. Pepper awaiting you at stores nearby. From 12:01 a.m. Sunday until the following midnight, visit the Dr. Pepper Web site to download a coupon for your free soda. It may just be a Dr. Pepper, but hey, free is free. And it’s a little victory for Axl Rose that I don’t mind joining in on, even if his new album does kinda blow.

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