Robots.

People either love them or hate them. Either they want them to do their laundry and keep the bathroom clean, or they run away from them like Jamie Lee Curtis in a slasher film because they believe robots are going to take over the world and turn it into some Orwellian dystopia.

I’ve always been of the mind that robots are cool. I mean, nobody ever got hurt by the maid on the Jetsons.

Well, that all changed after I saw this.

That, my friends, is the Gibson Robot Guitar. The selling point? “All you have to do is play it.”

That’s right. You don’t need to learn anything about guitar to play one now. Just plop down $4,000, turn a couple knobs, and start bashing away.

Apparently it’s geared for those people who want to play an instrument without the hassle of, you know, playing an instrument, and Guitar Hero and Rock Band just isn’t cutting it anymore.

The Robot Guitar does all the work for you. It tunes itself. It more or less strings itself. It slices, it dices, and it makes a mean chicken catchatorie. It also has nifty LED lights, because nobody can resist something shiny. What, you couldn’t a fit a TV screen in there? What about the self-playing feature like those cheesy grand pianos you see in the mall? Hey, let’s throw in a tape machine, too, because it’s about time we had a Milli Vanilli-esque scandal on guitar.

The sad thing is, I’ve watched the video on how this things works, and it looks way more complicated than actually personally stringing and tuning my own guitar. But what does that matter? In a decade, nobody will need to tune a guitar, anyways. Heck, they won’t even need to play it.

I can see it now. In 10 years, the biggest band in the world will not be U2. It will not be the Jonas Brothers. It will not be another random boy band with a lame abbreviation for a name. No, it will be the Robot-ettes, featuring the Gibson Robot Guitar and Bass sitting on a stand, with that cheesy mall piano and a drum machine doing the rest. And on lead vocals, Jessica Simpson. But you already knew she was a robot.

If this robot guitar thing catches on, start running for your life. It means the machines are taking over.

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“Way to Normal”
Ben Folds, $15.98

Ben Folds is a master at convincing the world that he’s spilling his guts. He reveals just enough in his songs to make you feel like he’s inviting you into his personal life, then makes light of it. Listeners will supposedly fall for the deception, without considering all the emotions he’s masking by thrusting humor against every heartfelt lyric. But just like any old friend who laughs off his woes, he could be revealing something about his psyche by clowning about them, just as he would if he didn’t feel the need to.

This, of course, is more likely a clever and justified ruse. Though music serves as an outlet for self-expression, it makes sense to hold back when it’s being shared with a world full of strangers. And Folds’ humor is appreciated. He’s smart, funny, and candid when appropriate, so his songs are drenched in personality; it makes his music endearing, hard to ignore, and especially hard to dislike. Besides, what he does with a keyboard is just layer upon beautiful layer of brilliance at times. The piano is such an enchanting instrument that, when implemented well, bewitches the heart. Folds works his voodoo on the ivories on “Way to Normal” — though I am coherent at this time, I’m certain that I’m under some sort of dormant hypnosis that, when activated (i.e. when I play his record), will basically make me his love slave.

Touché, Mr. Folds. If you want me, come and get me. But just know that you’re ineffective without that piano at the helm.

“Normal” here is literally a place, figuratively an objective. I’m certain that Folds has little intention of ever reaching “normal” as a state of being (or at least little confidence that it’s even an attainable goal), and that’s perhaps part of the gag, but in one song, he’s traveling to a city of that name. In “Effington,” he pits his fantasies of life in a place along the highway (It “could be a wonderful effing place,” he sings) against his mundane destination, Normal, Ill. — by the way, a search of Google Maps tells me that Effington is in Minnesota. And it’s here where Folds showcases a variety of musical styles on the piano (he even goes for baroque at one point, and I’m sort of proud of that pun).

Folds tells stories, stories that seem irrelevant, but all fit into the quirky life that he works to define. The album opens with “Hiroshima (B B B Benny Hit His Head)” — an obvious homage to Elton John’s “Benny and the Jets” — that tells the story of a time he was injured during a concert and continued to perform even with “blood on the keyboard.” It sets the record off with Folds hammering out chords on the keyboard in his signature form. In “Cologne,” the album’s centerpiece, he sings about cutting the final thread that keeps someone hanging onto a failed relationship. Though the instrumentation is strong and dramatic, Folds captures a feeling of emptiness that just oozes out of the speakers. Beautiful, yet painful; lush, yet stark. A masterful composition that is conveyed through the music alone, with the lyrics just driving it home.

He’s included plenty of his energetic pop melodies that are every Ben Folds tracklist’s bread and butter. It’s done best on “The Frown Song” and “Brainwascht.” “B**** Went Nuts” is fun for boys and girls (the adult kind, due to language and mature themes) because men need a song that identifies with their relationship woes, and women will find their own way to identify because either a) feminism has done nothing to wash away self-deprecation; or b) we all think every other woman in the world is crazy.

But really, the reigning song on the record is his collaboration with Regina Spektor, “You Don’t Know Me.” The staccato sound works here with strings sweeping atop it. It could actually be one of the best songs of Folds’ career.

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Well, like the name of this blog suggests, I most enjoy it when guitarists get up on the tiny strings for a solo. It’s that magical time in the song when the bassist and drummer put away their fantasies about being Les Claypool and Neil Peart, respectively, and the overbearing singer finally shuts up, allowing the most important member of the band to shine for anywhere from 15 seconds to 15 minutes (the longer the better, right?).

OK, so maybe it’s not always like that. Maybe sometimes the guy who is shredding his fingers off is also one of the most successful pop artists of all time.

This little video features a man formerly (and currently) known as Prince, who, until the Super Bowl a few years back, had kept his guitar virtuosity a bit of a secret. Here, he joins an all-star band that includes Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, Steve Winwood, Jeff Lynne (Electric Light Orchestra) and George Harrison’s son Dhani for Harrison’s classic “While My Guitar Gently Weeps,” in tribute to the quiet Beatle being inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame as a solo artist.

The good part begins at about 3:30 into the video, with Prince producing stinging blues bursts out of his Telecaster. He then breaks out some fluid bends before executing some nifty pull offs. And that’s all just in the first 40 seconds of the solo. Later on, he gets reacquainted with the high E string, bending it almost to the point of no return, getting the most satisfying notes this side of Hendrix.

It really must be seen to be understood. Comprehension is another story.

So … yeah. Take that, drummers.

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In this world, there are all kinds of nerds. It’s not a bad thing. Everybody is a nerd for something, whether its sci-fi, computers, or video games. Heck, I’ve seen ketchup nerds (I’m not judging).

I am no exception. I am a guitar nerd.

Why else would I subscribe to Guitar World magazine?

Why else would I know what a Floyd Rose does?

Why else would I know that Led Zeppelin didn’t really start sounding good until Jimmy Page ditched his flower-power Fender Telecaster for a Gibson Les Paul he got from Joe Walsh?

And why else would I have a goal to name my first-born son Stratford just so I could call him “Strat,” as in Fender Stratocaster? (All prospective wives should disregard the last sentence).

I suspect you already know the answer to all those questions. It’s because I’m a guitar nerd.

Here at Tiny Strings, I’m going to embrace my nerd-dom by celebrating all things that go “Meedely meedely mee” in the night. You’re going to see a lot of “High Fidelity”-style lists about guitarists. You’re also going to see me geek out over cool guitars I’ll never own. I’ll examine the intricacies of the way the guitar is utilized in different genres, and I’ll throw in the occasional review for shows I’ve attended. Hey, and if you’re lucky, you might pick up some tips on how to start down the slippery slope of guitar nerdery along the way.

“So, Mr. Smarty Pants, what makes you so qualified to talk about guitars?,” you may ask. Well, nothing really, except an extreme desire to rock all day, every day.

(more…)

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El Corazon has rapidly become one of my favorite venues in Seattle hosting mostly bands of the rock genre and at a decent price. To date the most I’ve paid for a ticket is $33.00 and the best value was when I saw The Dollyrots for a mere $8.00. Technically El Corazon is a bar but they do offer “all ages” shows along with some “21+” shows. The majority of the shows will consist of at least one main touring headliner (sometimes more) and there’s always at least one, if not two, local bands opening.

It’s located in the middle of Seattle on the corner of Denny Way and I-5. A nice thing is this place is easy to get to, easy to get out of and there’s a $2.00 parking lot less than a half a block away.

 First impressions of this place reminds me of an old party basement from my high school days with it’s flat black walls and low ceiling and old tile floor. It’s the perfect ambiance for rockin’ out.

It’s a rather elongated narrow room, roughly 40′ from the front of stage to the back of the room, that’s set up in a unique fashion.  The stage is 3′ off the floor then about half way back towards the back wall there’s a short stub wall up on a “terrace” with 3 steps on either side.  What’s nice with this is if you aren’t into “moshing” or “circle pitting” then you can stand slightly above the crowd with a good view of the stage and not be concerned about getting hit by the moshers.

Then, about 5 more feet beyond the stub wall is 2 more steps to another terraced level about 5′ wide then there’s the back wall with a full length bench. If you look at my previous blog on Bad Religion, the picture and video were taken from this top terrace.

If you are one who enjoys liquid refreshment this place also has 2 bars. The main bar is located away from the main floor and there’s a small sub bar separated from the main  floor by another short stub wall so those who chose my have a drink while watching the show providing of course they have proper ID.

Show wise it has a large stage 21′ x 16′ with a great sound system and decent stage lighting. On the down side it has poor ventilation (really noticeable during a sold out show) and there’s a couple of very badly placed poles which can hamper the viewing for a few folks but the alternative is a collapsed roof.

Overall the staff’s pretty decent, simple search methods and decent crowd control just don’t drink in line as the fellow in front of me found out.

All in all I like El Corazon. I’ve been there during a sell out, an audience of roughly 500 and I’ve been there when I was 1 of a crowd of 5. For me, it’s always a good time.

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“Furr”
Blitzen Trapper, $13.99

On their new album, “Furr,” Blitzen Trapper invokes the gentler sounds of the ’70s to complete its modern Indie-alt-country-Americana vibe. The first track, “Sleepytime in the Western World,” showcases these sounds, from the brit-pop invasion (think Beatles) to the feel-good folk rock (the Byrds) to the revolution folk (Bob Dylan) and finally the space-agey glam (David Bowie), that can be heard on tunes throughout the record.

Of course, there is more. There were other moments where I made comparisons to Badfinger, Steppenwolf and Elton John. “Saturday Nite” can best be described as renaissance disco, an unplugged tribute to the Bee Gees. Though I would call it the song of the least substance on the album, it’s also one of my favorites. The record’s best track, “Black River Killer,” follows. With a theremin-ish riff bridging the verses and a catchy pattern of guitar plucks, this ballad definitely takes first place, even over the tunes composed on a rickety old piano that’s missing keys.

“War on Machines” enters into harder, more standard rock territory. “God & Suicide” sounds much more modern, like Collective Soul-modern. The title track, which I feel obligated to mention, is a coming-of-age tale set to Wild-West-settlers-around-the-campfire music. It’s even got animal sounds in the background. All the aforementioned tracks are what Blitzen Trapper has done exceptionally well.

When they try to go more straight country, as on “Stolen Shoes & a Rifle,” they lose a lot of luster, a lot of what makes them such an exciting contribution to contemporary music. It bores me. Good thing these mistakes are made so infrequently on the record. It hasn’t changed my opinion of them at all; the fact remains that the band has a lot to offer, both lyrically and musically.

Blitzen Trapper is performing at Chop Suey in Seattle Dec. 5. Tickets are $10 (plus applicable fees) through Ticketweb.

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The Horrorpops, a 3 piece psycho-billy band formed in 1996 from Denmark, will be hitting our state for two dates. They will be in Seattle at El Corazon on Thursday October 2, 2008 and then the following night Friday October 3, 2008 at The Blvd. House Of Music in Spokane. I have my ticket for the Spokane show.

Psycho-billy is a lot like rockabilly but with more of an edge and for the most part the bands are usually a 3 piece that utilize an upright bass.

The Horrorpops consists of Patricia Day on lead vocals and upright bass, hubby Kim Nekroman on guitar, Henrik Niedermeir on drums and starring as The Horrorpop Dancers are Kamilla and NoNo who can be seen below with Patricia.

The Horrorpops released their 3rd cd, “Kiss Kiss Kill Kill” on February 5, 2008 and have been touring promoting it including doing the entire Warped Tour this past summer.

And speaking of The Warped Tour, I took the following video at this years tour. The song is “Walk Like A Zombie” but alas, the Horrorpop Dancers were not part of their show during Warped. I am hopeful that they will make an appearance at the up coming shows.

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A couple of weeks ago I received my ticket for The Head Cat at El Corazon on October 9, 2008 but alas, I saw on their web site that the show has been postponed, not canceled,  just postponed…..bummer.

What’s that? Who’s The Head Cat? You never heard of them? I’m sure you have heard of them, just not quite like this.

The Head Cat is a 3-piece rockabilly band. On guitar is Danny B. Harvey best known for his work with 13 Cats and the early 80’s band Rockats. On drums and vocals is Slim Jim Phantom best known as the “stand up” drummer for The Stray Cats and on bass and lead vocals the one and only Lemmy Kilmister best known as the gravely vocalist, Rickenbacker playin’ bassist of Motorhead.

Head Cat  became a side project for these guys during down time from their regular bands which means a couple of times a year they throw together a 6 or 7 town “tour” and do rock and roll cover tunes of the 50’s along with some Stray Cat stuff.

Oh, the reason for the postponement,  Slim Jim Phanton while on the tail end of The Stray Cats European tour,  yes The Stray Cats are still out there touring (and they will being touring Australia in February ‘09) fell off the stage at the end of the London show and broke his wrist in three places…ouch! They are hoping to reschedule The Head Cat show for mid to late January,  just before he heads out to Australia.

The following video I found on youtube, it ain’t the best but it does give you an idea of their sound.  Hopefully I’ll have a better video for you early next year.  The song is Rock This Town with Slim Jim doing the vocals. 

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Street Dogs was a band I came across by chance.  Last October I went to see Tiger Army at Neumo’s in Seattle and Street Dogs happened to be the second opening band. This was one of the rare times where, not only was an opening act very good,  I liked their performance a bit better than the headliner.

They are a standard five piece from Boston and they have that Boston-celtic-punk sound. They reminded me a lot of Dropkick Murphy’s and later on I found out why.  Lead vocalist Mike McCollagan  was the founder of Dropkick Murphy’s. Apparently he quit music for a while to pursue a fire fighting career but then decided to go back into music again and started a new band.  

They released their latest cd, State Of Grace, in July and headlined during the entire Warped Tour promoting it. They are now currently on tour and will be performing in Seattle at El Corazon on Monday October 13th, 2008.   

They are a great band to see live, very energetic and Mike, the lead vocalist, loves diving out into the crowd, at least he did it a lot of that at The Warped Tour driving the stage crew nuts for every time he dived they would run to grab his mic cord so that it would get hung up and then they’d “reel” him back in.

The following is a video that I took at this years Warped Tour while they performed on the main stage doing the song “Not Without A Purpose” from the cd Fading America Dream.  

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“Down to Earth”
Jem, $11.98

I remember where I was when I first heard Jem. It was during the previews preceding “Underworld: Evolution” — pretty lame sequel with quite possibly the world’s least compelling and most awkward sex scene of all time — at Liberty Cinema. The preview was for “Ultraviolet,” a movie I briefly considered seeing, but later decided I’d wait until it showed up on cable. What really interested me was the song. “Underworld” turned out to not be very memorable at all, but as soon as I got home from the movie, I searched the Internet to find that awesome song from the movie preview, so I could get myself a copy. “24 Hours” by Jem, I discovered. I found Jem on Myspace and listened to more. I was just a little in love with her sound. I even found “24 Hours” at karaoke and gave it a very sorry shot. Well, at least I can still listen to it, even if I have to accept I can never passably sing it myself.

With her electronic pop, the Welsh singer has made some other rad tunes, like “Come on Closer,” a sultry little track sung like a come-on to a reluctant fellow, “Falling for You,” a testimony to being reluctant about love herself, and her dreamy cover of Paul McCartney’s “Maybe I’m Amazed,” always a beautiful song. So, imagine my delight when I heard she’d be releasing a new album this year.

I checked back on her myspace page a couple of weeks ago to see if she was previewing any tracks from the new album, “Down to Earth,” on her page. There were two there. “It’s Amazing” is a message about learning to stay on your feet when people try to knock you down. Leading in with a plinking piano melody, the song quickly moves onto some earnest beats as Jem sings about finding the strength to grab ahold of her destiny to have the life she deserves. The other track, “Crazy,” relies on a funky loop that for some reason reminds me of a couple of scenes from one of the “Leisure Suit Larry” video games. It’s a fun track, definitely a bit capricious — it doesn’t take itself seriously at all.

Jem has a tendency to give too much attention to her lyrics and neglect the music that goes along with it. There are at least a few songs on the album that, given the sterile melodies and rhythms, cause me to accidentally stop listening. Another problem is that Jem’s mind seems to be focused on one topic throughout much of the record — she’s trying to assert herself against haters, The Man, a man — He-man? Well, just saying, He-man was on USA’s Cartoon Express in the same era as Jem and the Holograms. Okay, I know, different Jem … oh, drat, there I go moving off-topic, let’s get back to it — or perhaps her own inner critic. And so even the lyrics don’t hold my attention as much unless the song is incredibly decent.

Which, fortunately, most of them are on this album. “Keep On Walking” has a really danceable beat that’s not very high-paced. “Aciiid!” surprised me with its very high-energy beat; something I can imagine being mixed and spun at a rave. The music is a little boring in “You Will Make It,” but anyone who’s experienced the death of someone close to them will automatically feel connected to the song. At first, I didn’t like the music in it, and I thought the lyrics were pretty lame, but it yanked me in anyway. As lame as it is, it’s totally relatable, and in fact not as lame as it seems once you set your toughness aside. The CD’s title track totally wins. It’s dynamic, it’s creative; opening with just a simple heartbeat and light instrumentation, the song breaks down into one of Jem’s sweet beats with a bit of an Egyptian disposition to the music.

With her enchanting voice, Jem has won me over once again, but I already knew she would.

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