The new fall TV season is here and a new comedy/drama series will be unfolding on the screen:  ”Desperate Republicans”
 
Episode One: Managing Women
 
GOP Planning Meeting, September 2, 2008
 
Present: John McCain, Karl Rove and a half dozen  GOP Party sycophants
Purpose: To meet & choose a VP candidate to join nominee -apparent John McCain on the national ticket.
 
Details heard by a fly on the wall.
 
Rove:    Ok, boys, the Dems have a young one and an old one. It looks like they have a pretty good balance there. No matter what else we might find to say against Obama, he’s not stupid.  Link his inexperience with an experienced VP and staff, and he’ll appeal to a lot of people, and do very well at the polls. 
 
First Sycophant:    Yeah. We’ve got to find someone to balance our ticket.
 
Rove:  Everyone knows John is an old guy  No offense, John but speaking from experience, and I think most of you will agree,  I know the old brain cells just aren’t humming the way they did a couple of decades ago. We need someone young who will make voters sit up and take notice.
 
Second Sycophant:  And it needs to be a woman. All those women voters out there are just itching to see a woman in the White House. I think most of them right now will vote for anything female.
 
Rove: Good point. There are 62 million female voters in the U.S. and Hillary nailed about 10 million. The other 52 million are up for grabs.
 
John McCain:  And a good percentage of them are solid Evangelicals with a Pro-life attitude.
 
 First Sycophant:  We need someone who’ll attract the male vote, too.
 
Rove:  There’s that woman who’s the governor of Alaska…Palin. Sarah Palin.  She’s a real go-getter, and is a pretty hot number, besides.
 
Second Sycophant:  Hasn’t she been kind of inconsistent in her decisions? I hear she supported that infamous Bridge to Nowhere, and then came out and opposed it. And she seems to have a vendetta going against her former brother-in-law.
 
Rove:  Yes, inconsistent, but she’s Pro-Life. That will  go over with the Evangelicals. And we’ll handle the brother-in-law thing…get it swept under the table. And that Bridge to Nowhere…she cancelled the project but kept the federal dollars.  Now that’s my kind of Republican!
 
John McCain: But a lot of women are Pro-Choice, and they’ll figure Palin will set them back half a century at least.
 
Rove:  John,  these are women. The Gov’s daughter is pregnant, and they’ll all be carrying on over the new baby. That’ll win over some  of the Pro-Choice. They’re women…their hormones and that natural mother instinct will take over. You’ll see.
 
 First Sycophant:   Palin’s just got no experience in the kind of politics she’ll find in Washington. She’s as aggressive as one of those polar bears, and in world politics, that won’t go over so well. And, John, you know you’ve got a temper. I can see you and Palin going head to head on some issue, and having it blasted over every paper in the country, not to mention TV and the Internet. And what about her flip-flops on some issues in her state?
 
Rove:    Again, John, no offense, but you’ve done more flip-flops than a gymnast at the Olympics. We’ve managed to play them down and cover them up, and we’ll do the same for her. Besides, women are known for changing their minds. The women voters won’t think a thing about it. They’ll more likely be looking at her hair style, or at what she’s wearing. They’ll talk more about whether or not she’s gained a few pounds than about her wanting to censor books in the public library.
 
John McCain:  So, we’re agreed, then: Palin it is.
 
Rove:  And John, don’t worry. Heck, we trained DubYa…brought him up to par. And we’ve reeducated you. Remember what a rebel Republican you used to be?  We’ll  just have to work on her a little more carefully. You know she’ll have those “difficult days of the month” and we’ll have to work around that. But she’ll come around.
 
Second Sycophant: Well, Palin’s no Cindy McCain for talent and ability.
 
 Rove:    No, she’s not.  But we can make her seem to be…we’ll make a sort of super-hero out of her: Frontier Woman. She can be an example to women everywhere. If this financial crisis gets any worse–and it looks like it isn’t getting better, at least not for the average household– people will  need to know how to go back to the way their great grandparents lived, and she can guide them.”
 
 John      “Yeah, I can see it now: “Frontier Woman: Queen of the Last Frontier”
 
(General nods of agreement, sighs of satisfaction, a few cheers.)
 
Rove: Now, about that picture of John on the cover of Time. Did you see the fantastic job of airbrushing they did? He doesn’t look a day over fifty-five. And you’d never guess he had health concerns, would you?
 
Fade to black.
 

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